hallucination

2011-07-21T02:13:00.002+08:00

The 645th post, the last.

From 2007 till today, 2011, this is the space where I typed 4 years plus worth of memorable moments, heartfelt moments.
This is where I can feel the transitions from the different phases in my life.
This is where I will refer to 50 years later when I stop playing mahjong and my memory starts to fail.

I've been having thoughts about moving on to a new space for quite a while and finally, I move my heart and brain to http://hallucinatory-episode.tumblr.com/.

and of course, you'll be missed and visited very often by me.

Goodbye, my friend.

2011-07-17T01:24:00.003+08:00

As I sit by your bed now, there's this whole chain of thoughts passing through my mind.
A little bit of courage to make me braver than ever.
A long day, starting from 10am to 11.30pm.
Tuition lessons, one after another, waiting for me.
By evening, I couldn't take it anymore so I sneaked out and took a break on my bed which lasted for 45mins.
Really, it was inadequate but I forced myself awake and reached the dance studio 15mins late, rushed to meet my friends, rush to the restaurant, rushed to order, rushed to eat, rushed to udders.
Somehow, I felt that something's missing, or rather, I felt that there's this sense of anxiety in my heart.
I needed to go home.
And so, here I am, sitting by your bed, feeling more peaceful than the world could ever contain, feeling more at home than my own house could ever provide.

2011-07-08T03:19:00.001+08:00

He's weird and insensitive at times.
He's funny and ah hai!
He's awesome but not always in a good way.
He's my love.

2011-07-03T05:22:00.003+08:00

I've witnessed people asking their boyfriend if he wanna marry her.
Honestly, from my point of view, I see it more as the girl's just trying to ask if he wanna grow old with her.
It's like a support, a pillar, a strength supporting you from behind.
Are you certain of that role?

Then, maybe everyone should stop asking that question so that no one's heart will ever break.

2011-07-03T05:08:00.002+08:00

No post due to the lack of decent inspiration.
Lack of inspiration due to the overwhelming fatigue.

Mistreated.
Because in your eyes, it's always me being over sensitive. But I've never said this before, why not the other way round? Let's talk about insensitivity then.

Unlike the other times, good morning world.
And when I open my eyes the next time, it will be better.

2011-06-15T02:22:00.002+08:00

Because we are a team so we don't push each other away. Instead, we lean onto each other for support, like how the other is the strongest and firmest pillar we can ever find.
Ever.

2011-06-15T02:14:00.002+08:00

That little bit of disappointment.
I'm not always that clear minded so at times like this, I lose track of what I really want.
Really, I blame myself. Not you, not us, just me.
That kind of peace in our heart is not gone but has been feeling really shaky recently.
And I'm hoping rest is all that's needed.

2011-06-12T11:28:00.000+08:00

Give me a gun and I'll pull the damn fucking trigger myself.

2011-06-12T02:57:00.002+08:00

How about us leaving this country? Elope to somewhere that can only contain our two young and bright hearts?
Oh wait, we'll have in a month's time.
And I can't wait, for it to come and never end.

2011-06-12T02:34:00.002+08:00

Thankful. Like really thank you for showing up today cause it means so much to me.
I'll never forget how much I appreciate you for being part of my life.

Some routines, really, they are not meant to be neglected.
That's why we call them routines, things we do systematically.
We don't neglect them because they really play a significant role.

Sometimes I really wish that I can do more for you, for us.
Like I wanna hold your hand and just tell you that everything's gonna be fine, no matter what.
I don't have a clear concept about today's post. It's basically writing(or rather typing) anything and everything that's on my mind which is actually a lot and definitely messy.

All in all, I just wanna say that I love you.
Mushy as it may sound, I still hope that you will read this after I press the "publish" button.
Ignore everything else and just focus on the 3 words.
Never so sincere about it before.

Once again, we don't change routines, never.
That's why we say Goodnight every single night, no matter how late it is or how tired we are.

Goodnight love.

2011-06-11T01:06:00.002+08:00

The worst form of war - battle of silence.

In the end, we let love calm us down and open up to each other once again.
We let love do its job.

2011-06-09T01:38:00.001+08:00

"A singer in a smokey room, a smell of wine and cheap perfume.
For a smile they can share the night.
It goes on and on and on and on.",

2011-06-09T01:30:00.002+08:00

Honestly, it's so sad to know that everyone is losing the passion.
We just wanna rest, brush up on our techniques, really sweat doing the same locking move for the whole 1.5hours.
I would like to say that I'm still having fun every tues and wed but really, it's the dreadful feeling I get before I start the engine of 5827 that makes me realise I've lost the passion.

Like what I say to my fellow battle mates, I just hope that we can get the passion and enthusiasm back before September.

2011-06-06T02:54:00.000+08:00

A little spoilt.
Sometimes.

2011-06-03T22:52:00.002+08:00

Bliss.

2011-06-03T22:27:00.004+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a prince living in the castle. The evil witch tried all ways to kill him but failed, terribly. Thus, she resorted to using the magic potion.

The evil witch, plotting against the prince.

At first, the prince doubted that the evil witch will actually give him a cooling soda to quench his thirst.

However, after much consideration, he decided to believe the witch for one last time and accepted the potion.

Look at the prince, drinking so happily. Little did he know that pain is slowly crawling towards him.

The prince, with the satisfied look on his face.

After about 2 minutes, he felt his blood vessels bursting, especially those on this face.

And the potion took his life.

2011-05-27T17:14:00.001+08:00

Read to me and I'll come back to you.

2011-05-20T02:29:00.002+08:00

I want to be so sure of what I have now 10 years later.
It scares me.
I can't quite remember what's the worst scenario that has ever happened to me but I really don't want to wake up and doubt myself all in a sudden.
I really hope that we can move forward together, always together.

So friends, hang in there.
Overcome obstacles together huh.

I choose to believe.

2011-05-15T13:08:00.003+08:00

Don't judge when you haven't get the facts right?
As much as I agree with this statement, there are times when I still feel that the story is out even with inadequate evidences.
But I guess, I'm just narrow-minded enough to not look at the big picture.
When the way you do things is strongly against my principles, don't let me see it, don't let me know of it.
(focus on the word "principles", I'm not saying everyone should do things the exact way as me, it's PRINCIPLES I'm talking about)
Cause it's almost impossible for me not to look at you differently after that.
And even after years, after you've changed, it's still hard for me to position you in the same place as before.
In short, I will never agree with you again, or any voice that is rooting for you.

2011-05-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

I knew I had to cry when it comes to Monica and Chandler's wedding.
I really have to.
The wedding vows.

I couldn't quite imagine the day my friends get married. Imagine all of us there! Having walked through a large part of our lives together, the day we witness each other getting married will truly be a day so full of bliss.

On the big white wall dream of mine, there will definitely be spaces for all the wedding photos of my friends.

And I really hope that you will be part of the gigantic photo montage too, part of my dream.

2011-05-10T11:37:00.004+08:00

Definitely in the holiday mood now.
Sleeping at 12plus and waking up at 9am everyday but going back to sleep right after.
life is better than both thumbs up!

Hong kong trip was really fun although it could have been better if we didn't get food poisoning.
We still couldn't track down the source of the poison yet.
But we shall aim to go somewhere next year! Maybe Bangkok?

Actually I wanted to post my views on GE2011. But not today I guess.

Dance gonna be on every tues, wed, thurs. I hope it's a right decision.

Gonna prepare to head town to do present hunting with dongdong!

2011-04-28T20:29:00.002+08:00

After I had both micro and macro papers, I was really thinking if I should change major or not.
Because really, maybe it's not as bad as it is.
Then today, I had my third/last econs paper, stats.
And I know, come on. GIVE ME THE DAMN MAJOR DECLARATION SITE RIGHT NOW!
By the time I reached the 3rd question, I swear I was having a severe headache in the exam hall and I really don't feel like doing anymore.
Oh well. Hope for the best huh.

Last paper on sat morning.
I'm gonna bring my camera out and we shall snap many many photos!
Wanna capture one of the happiest moment in life, with the R's.

Sat, 30th April, 11am, please come soon!

Anw, it's a really nice feeling. There used to be 5 thick piles of files(full of lecture notes, tutorials and the very &"$!?#*+%# readings) but now there's only one last file there. Waiting for me to digest the wisdom within it and hopefully gain some knowledge out of it.
Sociology. As much as I had so much fun during your lectures and tutorials, all along, I know it's damn hard to study you.
Definitely not my cup of tea.
So I promise to study extra hard and in return, I hope that you can be kind on Saturday morning.
Thanks.

2011-04-26T09:30:00.002+08:00

MPE AND MAJOR DECLARATION FROM 11 JULY TO 17 JULY.
Erm.. Okay. Now I'm kinda 80% new media, 20% econs.
Sometimes econs isn't that bad. Really.. Sometimes.
Gotta get up now and be a macroeconomist. Ytd I was a micro one.
Paper at 9am tmrw. So I have one full day for revision.
I'm gonna set my phone to non vibration to see if it helps cause my friend told me it does.

This period(this week actually) is like a war, against time, against yourself.
Screw bellcurve cause that's something you can't control. Like erm...weather?
So everyone, let's be kind to each other as we go through this harsh period together.
A few more days to the end. Really! We can start counting down using just one hand!!!
It's been not bad so far, so continue mugging hard lingling!

2011-04-23T17:00:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite movies has got to be 500 days of summer.
It's definitely not a big production with all the A class kinda superstars.
But really. It's my favourite because the emotions intertwined with the characters snap us back to reality and think about the many encounters we have/had or people around us have/had.
And it's a simple story - about a boy meeting a girl.
It just..just...well, it's just touching, if you know how to appreciate it I guess.
After finals, I'm surely gonna watch it again.

20% happier now with one heavy module off the back of my mind. Correction here: all the 5 modules are heavy actually.
From this moment on, until thursday 3pm, I'm gonna be a full-fledged economist.

After which, I'm gonna try to pin point at all the Singapore policy and the certain-coloured uniform people. Find faults with them and their policies and I believe I'll do well for the last sociology paper. Heavy but very interesting module.

2011-04-23T00:45:00.001+08:00

Tmrw morning, 9am.
Give me all the knowledge and time and ability please.
Of course, luck too.

All the best.

2011-04-20T22:04:00.001+08:00

Sudden exam stress!!!

Please let me survive the 5 papers.
Please let me do well.

2 days to the first paper.
Screaming inside now.

2011-04-20T12:26:00.003+08:00

Why no pancakes?????

A really happy brunch. And very filling too.
Feeling really refresh now. Like erm. System reboot. Haha.

10 more days.
We start counting down now!

2011-04-20T01:25:00.005+08:00

The best years in my life is that 4 years spent in that seemingly boring white and orange and blue building. But those are the best years cause we know that reality is harsh, the world is mean but how harsh exactly, how mean exactly, we didn't know. And of course, I grew up there, physically, mentally and emotionally. Those 4 years, I had my first bite of friendship, passion, love, failure and of course, success.
So much happened during the 4 years that very often I find myself not knowing how to answer when people ask me "why are those 4 years the best phase of your life?"
I fail to answer in the best way because no word could quite bring across how great those years were. See. Again. Great is really not enough. It's so much more than just Great.
As the major finals get closer, the more I wanna run away and lock myself in my comfort zone. That's when I think very much about the 4 awesome years.
Nostalgic much huh?

Pretty much drained from the endless mugging.
Okay. It's not really endless, it'll end on 30th April.
I'm gonna jump around outside the lecture hall and I'm not gonna walk at all for the entire day, I wanna skip everywhere I go.

A short break from mugging,
Breakfast with love :)
So goodnight people! I'm gonna sleep happy now. Weeee!

2011-04-19T10:23:00.002+08:00

Every morning, same old struggle.
For the past many days, I managed to win, somehow being able to wake up at 8plus and start work at 9plus.
Today, while I'm typing this, I'm still lying on my bed.
This is extremely bad. I know that tonight I'm gonna regret not waking up earlier.
Sigh.
Bad bad bad.
11 days more..
But actually, it less than 11 days. I know that once I start my first paper on sat, 9am, every day will just be over so damn fast and finals will be over. So just let me finish all the tasks and start my first paper. I'll be phantom for one week exactly and done.
Back to normal self.

2011-04-17T09:25:00.003+08:00

On 1st may. The only thing that I wanna do is sleep for the entire day. It's planned. I'm gonna sleep. Wake up when I'm hungry to fill my stomach and then head back to sleep again.
Ermmm....aim to sleep for 16 hours at least.
But that's on 1st may. Been checking all the calendars around me. Nope. Not first of may YET :(
Okay. Back to NM readings.
13 dayssssss.

2011-04-14T21:52:00.001+08:00

Hang in there. Another 17 days to the end.
Posting a little too often but really, that's how we countdown right?
Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait!

Okay. Back to the last chapter of stats.

2011-04-14T00:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish that I could take away all your pain.
If it's not possible, then at least let me share the burden with you.

2011-04-12T23:40:00.008+08:00

I know I have to spend some time posting this.
The one and only project for this semester, Singapore Society.
I'm just really glad that I got to do it with these people.
Evelyn, Wenz and Xiaoming.

Our initial plan was to complete the 1,200 words report on Friday night, thinking that it's really only 1,200 words, there's no reason why we can't complete it.
So, off we headed to Kovan Melody at 6pm. With all the jam and jam(still), the dinner that took quite a long while, we only started at 9plus.
At first, we were doing fine, with occasional jokes here and there...maybe it's not really occasional. haa.
But well, our brain cells depleted at an amazing rate, we were all freaking tired at about 1am.
HANG IN THERE was all we could think of.
then, i couldn't quite remember what happened actually but I went to the toilet around 2am, an attempt to freshen myself.
When I stepped out, xiaoming: "we've decided to give up."
honestly, i was going "YAYNESS! GIVE ME MY BED NOW" in my heart.

But well, last night, we had to meet up for the second time to complete it.
It was much better I think (cause there's no 8am tutorial duh).
And then, finally, it was done at around 2am.

All I wanna say is that I'm damn thankful to be doing this with this group of friends.
How awesome! I mean it's really tiring on both days but the fun we get, pretty much worth it I think.

A year ago, we went to get the free B&J ice cream cone.
A celebration for Mr Lim's 20th after that, at Chilli's.
All-in-jeans day. How coincidental!
And outside Chilli's, we took one of my favourite group photo.

Less than two weeks to my first paper, starting off with new media.

2011-04-10T10:01:00.002+08:00

Agenda for today:
2 chapters of micro
Either complete half of macro lecture 7 or half of NM communicating with the public chapter.

I love it when I'm following closely to my study plan, with minor alterations here and there of course.

Okay. Shall start now while I wait for my perfect breakfast for a Sunday.

2011-04-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

3 more weeks baby!
And I'll be free like a birdie!

2011-04-08T15:38:00.001+08:00

In my opinion, I think that we should really try harder not to kill each other.
In this game of love, I pronounce you the winner.

2011-04-07T21:44:00.004+08:00

Maybe all I need is a good old night out or maybe something simpler, like a drive down to the corner of holland village for a cone of $3 ice cream.
I need a little bit more than what i'm having now.
I need a good rest, by that, I mean 12 hours of undisturbed sleep.
I need a little more love, by myself. Cause it's always around this period(nearing to the finals) when I start to feel oh-so-much inside my heart. It's as if all the studying isn't vexing enough.
Bear with me for the remaining 3 weeks or so.
I'll be back to normal soon.
Till then, take care.

2011-04-06T16:25:00.002+08:00

I'm easily angered.
I get pissed off over real nitty gritty stuffs, over small issues that I know don't usually make sense to the majority out there.
Nope. I'm not about to list them out.
But really. It's so illogical and unreasonable to the extent whereby sometimes I'm angry at myself, for being erm well, narrow minded.
I don't make sense all the time, I know.

2011-04-06T01:37:00.003+08:00

Day 2 of study plan.
Canceling the tasks one by one.
Completing all the tasks that I set for each day.
This is good.
Don't let the drive die okay?

Both of my sisters happen to be overseas now, which means room to myself :) (I'm definitely smiling wider and brighter than this)
Own room. Imagine moving their beds and stuffs out of the room and having the chance to rearrange my stuff, decorate the room. Oh man. How perfect!
Nothing to do with my sisters. I love them and I honestly think they make the best siblings ever.
But I would really love to have my own room too.
Maybe after my finals, I should try my luck on this again...

2011-04-04T00:36:00.003+08:00

Really not the best time to fall sick.
less than 30 days away from the end of endless mugging.

the last lap so sprint, run with all your might.
Don't think, just go.
For no regrets, for the beautiful SEP dream.

gonna wait for panadol to take its effect and I'm going to head straight to my bed.

2011-04-01T07:53:00.002+08:00

Every morning is a battle against time.
Very tough fight.
It starts the moment I open my eyes.
Struggling to get off the bed is the hardest part.
Once I'm past that stage, I work on a "don't block my way!" vision.
I run/fly/zoomzoom around my house and bye mum/dad.
Then the whole public transport phase, let's call it phase two.
I "tsk" inside my heart everytime my bus needs to stop for red light.
I get extremely pissed off when I can't get onto a train or bus.
Finally, phase 3. Krt to class and then endless panting when I reach the class.
Seriously! What for!

2011-03-29T12:40:00.003+08:00

about one more month to the end of my second semester in NUS.
plan to wake up early has been pretty successful.
Really wanna start on hardcore mugging but it seems so impossible with the SSA project burden on my shoulder.
Can't wait to complete the weightage 30% project.

Think I wouldn't be meeting up with the usuals all the way until exams end.
That's like one month away.

Sigh.
Alright, very soon it will all be over so boys and girls, hang in there.

2011-03-26T00:04:00.004+08:00

I am not Miss Average.
Surprisingly, I did not fall below the out of reach section of a bell curve. And I'm saying for the 3 fatal(econs) modules that I'm taking. Definitely, I didn't do well either and I'm very far away from my own definition of "doing well".
In short, I am standing at what we call mean which is just a more mathematical or statistical term of the word Average.
Trust me, in university level, it's not that easy to achieve mean if your aim is just mean.
But then again, I know being mean is nothing you should be satisfied about. There's about another 50% of the cohort above you.
Pretty stressed up as usual (Yes! I've reached that phase of the semester again.)
Spending the entire morning and afternoon, basically the entire day doing stats tutorial, just one.
As a result, being unable to start on my revision for finals.
All these are causing tremendous amount of stress on my poor body and brain. I feel so heavy when I'm walking around now (also because I've been eating as though I'm undergoing the puberty stage again) , like my legs will give way if I ever walk any faster than the tortise speed I'm going at.
In a very fragile stage I would say. Anything and everything can hurt me, easily and badly.
After so much, I'm still lying on my bed, not doing anything.
Cause perhaps, all I need is a good night sleep, one without any dream, without any alarm.
One good and undisturbed sleep is all I ask for tonight.

2011-03-22T10:46:00.001+08:00

Mental note to self:
__________________________

Okay. Noted.

2011-03-16T16:27:00.000+08:00

We have a girl sitting alone at the platform of the train station, doubting herself.
Before anyone feels anything for that girl, all I wanna say is that she just wanna do her best.
Especially in this.

2011-03-16T00:08:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm trying a little too hard and in the process, forgot about the gist. You know caring too much about the details and end up, forgetting the real story and instead, create a story out of the details.
Okay. I'm equally lost too.

May a good night sleep take a little of the unnecessary over-emotional sense away from me.
Thank you and goodnight.

2011-03-15T18:54:00.002+08:00

Very restless although it's only 7pm and the thought of 9am tutorial tmr is so not helping.
shall finish media effect tutorial after dinner and spend rest of the night watching friends and drinking koi.
Tmr after school, I'm gonna get home and start planning my study schedule.
Trust me. After econs mid term, I'm pretty sure that it's not too early.
Well, time to adopt Do-Or-Die attitude.

2011-03-14T22:49:00.002+08:00

I don't like today.
There's something so very wrong about you and today.
Maybe our 8 characters clash with some fengshui today.
But please, only allow it to happen for 24 hours.
cause I am vulnerable and fragile, erm... i mean my heart. So, don't break it.
Don't treat it like...rubbish.

Unlike Cinderella, I'm looking forward to 12am, breaking free of whatever curse it is (nah. not a magical wand).

2011-03-12T14:57:00.000+08:00

A love like this.

2011-03-09T01:29:00.002+08:00

We all need a little push in all sorts of situations.
The push, triggering you to move forward and at the same time, accomplishing another mission of not letting one fall back.
This kind of push that I'm talking about, I think I need it so as to walk through the remaining 7 weeks, without dying I'm saying.

I've decided. Canon SX130.
I don't think that I took very long to make this decision. It could have been longer, like years.

Big time craving for potatoes and bacons!

Please let me be punctual for NM tutorial tmr.

Vulnerable so please handle with care.
But really, it's already enough for my heart to feel sheltered.
To feel like she's back home.

2011-03-02T08:25:00.004+08:00

I hope you will have that little faith in me.

Perhaps one day, I'll display all of us out here, out there.
And I know that day is gonna be here soon.

2011-03-01T18:17:00.002+08:00

Trust me. It can't get any worse than this.

Fuck man.
Twice in a day.
I feel like I could really stop writing or thinking, just stop. Just stop and watch the people around me pen down their brilliant answers and graphs, pulling their grades further and further away from mine while my own grade stays stagnant, very near to the origin.
Regret times a million.
Why did I insist on trying out econs first? Knowing that it would be ten times worse than the exposure module. Why am I always so stubborn?
Here I am again. I'm really not good enough for econs. Admitting it. Really. I'm just not smart enough for all the utility maximizing stuffs. My maths isn't good enough to handle all the weird and ugly symbols too. I'm referring to differentiation. As much as I believe in hard work pays off, I have to really put both my hands up in the air, throw like 5000 white towels and shout out loud and clear "I'm done with econs. Econs hates me and I don't like it either."
Call me a quitter. I don't care anymore.
Cause I know I have to make this decision and I strongly believe that it's a right one.
New media is easier than econs cause it's actually more similar to marketing than econs is but it definitely requires gnormous amount of har work to pull up my very very low cap score.
In all, the switch is because I don't want to be this unhappy for the rest of my uni days.
I want to look forward to school, I want to be able to sit through lectures and tutorials understanding them, I want to go for exams feelin confident of my own knowledge.
So for the remaining two months. I'm gonna work extra hard by telling myself that this is my last time doing econs.
Last.

And of course, Friday is a brand new day. Haa.
Come soon please. I can't wait to date you.

2011-02-27T22:16:00.002+08:00

Photos.
We need them.
We are gonna take so so so many photos together. So that we will not forget any single events or dates.
I'm gonna have so many albums of us.

2011-02-27T02:34:00.002+08:00

Bleh bleh bleh meh bleh bleh bleb.
Baby language. Love language. Haa.

The right time for the right word - Bliss.

Goodnight love.

2011-02-24T23:14:00.001+08:00

When one is in a good mood, he/she tends to eat a lot.
When one is in a good mood, even mugging doesn't seem so tough anymore.

It feels so good, to be home.

2011-02-21T01:56:00.003+08:00

G for Graduation
I am more wishy washy than many. I am more stubborn than many. I am not as needy as many. I am much more loner than many.
But still, today, on 20th February 2011, I've officially graduated.
I was in a daze, slightly lost and urgently needed half time break but in the end, I stopped. I stopped my mind from functioning, from trying to play a logical role in the matter.
For once, I followed my heart, entirely.
And all I said was "You are so worth the wait."

2011-02-17T01:12:00.002+08:00

Recess week is next week. come on lingling! survive two more days!
okay. not like recess week is there for us to enjoy but at least, no more 9am/8am tutorials right?
oh yeah. screw my life. I'm finally late for today's 9am tutorial.
Weird enough, the feeling is so familiar.

SEP motivated me a lot. I really MUST work hard! desperately wanna go overseas to study!

2011-02-15T01:42:00.001+08:00

My Valentine's Day was indeed a happy one.
one of those days/nights again.

2011-02-15T01:36:00.002+08:00

My somewhat twin is on the plane, on her way to Melbourne now.
Even on the day that you are leaving, Seng thought that I was you.
Seng: "Wah lao! the backview what!"
haha.
Dear Samsam, you will be missed.

2011-02-14T02:22:00.003+08:00

I can't wait for all the photos taken at all the houses to be uploaded but that will be in two weeks time cause our dear Mr Lim has some outfield stuff next weekend, which means no booking out too.
But it was yet another awesome max Saturday spent with the usuals.
Our annual CNY gambling session.
Bing as usual, will always be the unlucky one who tries his best to pass others his bad luck.
And I'm trapped between the two Lims who keep having blackjack as though it's THAT easy to get one.
In between has another name, it's now called Contribution.
Bearbear and her "you never pay money for my cards so you cannot look at them."
MAD HILARIOUS!

We will stay sweet like this, forever I'm talking about.

2011-02-12T00:44:00.002+08:00

Positively or Negatively.
It really doesn't matter.

2011-02-11T20:52:00.003+08:00

I didn't know that the process of opening up can hurt the both of us so much.
And the pain is so intense.
Really. I'm always wiping your tears.
I need more than one awesome weekend to make things right again.
Perhaps I would need the entire recess week to recover.
Or perhaps, the magic touch of yours will once again create miracle for us.

2011-02-08T02:43:00.002+08:00

Right now, in uni, I'm often facing the situation of "wanting to do my best yet I can't". It's like I really really want to do well and all but you look at the tutorial questions and you don't even feel like cursing anymore. It's really this bad...

So every morning, I open my eyes and pray that I can be productive and then, I will pray even harder for something that will never ever stop glowing.

So I enter lecture halls(referring to econs mods) with extreme fear in my heart that I will feel like shit AGAIN after the 2hours. I hold on to my heart and hope that it can stay strong, at least till the end of the day.

This is how bad it really is.

As for now, I'm gonna sleep and wake up early tmr so that I can clear my doubts for macro tmr morning.

Goodnight world.

2011-02-06T21:32:00.004+08:00

Happy CNY to all!

And so, 4 days of holiday have come to an end.
BIG SIGH!

I wasn't as productive as I want myself to be so I really have to work harder for this coming week 5. OMG! I'm reminded that mid-terms is so around the corner.
*slapping myself awake right now*
Is it too early to countdown to 30th April?

CNY 2011, I was so close to being 3rd for the Chua family annual mahjong competition. I was really really so close to being 3rd that I kinda got stomach cramps when I got home (too nervous you know). haa.

Anyway, I think it's faster to countdown to this coming Saturday instead. Trust me. We are going to have so much fun! :)

The ambiguity; The vagueness.

2011-02-03T01:44:00.003+08:00

One year ago, on the eve of CNY eve, I played mj with samsam, seng and km.
On year later (which is also last night), I played mj again, but with a total different group of people, xiaoming, kevin and nicole.
Haa. How funny this is.

But, it was a great CNY eve minus away the mega headache having to wake up at 10am(but i only got out of the bed at 11. sorry) and the wet jurong which got me so damn drenched and the endless sneezing when I rushed to the bathroom to get a hot bath but only after I'm done then I realised I forgot to take my towel. OH WELL! LIFE IS LIKE THIS!

R's reunion dinner was short and simple and sweet. Looking through all the photos made me laugh quite a bit. haha.
My favourite of all.

Steamboat tonight was like any other year, Awesome and very filling (we are talking about max out kind).
steamboat + teppanyaki + baileys + movie + angbao + mahjong.
I can't wait for tmr's night mahjong competition. it's gonna be so hilarious again.

Tuesday. I felt a lot. So much that I wanted to leave the lecture hall, I wanted to quit school (not jokingly), I felt so much that I really wanna cry but I didn't because I know it's not going to help.
I spammed feefee with smses and said all sorts of stupid stuffs. We met up with Mr Lim and the whole cycle kinda repeats itself. I met up with xiaoming and it happened for the third time. So mentally and emotionally challenged but at the end of it, guess all I should think about now is shut up and work hard. That's it, end of story.

(but really, chocolate ice cream therapy helped so much.)

2011-02-01T00:00:00.003+08:00

Quick reply to 'A QUICK LOVE SHUFFLE UPDATE'

WHAT? NO! HELL NO! YOU AND AHLIANG STAY FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR AWAY(like north and south pole, like new york and singapore, like changi and jurong) FROM ME AND MR LIM!

love shuffle mission: always work the hardest towards graduation.

WE ACCEPT GRADUATES BUT NOT RETAINEES.

2011-01-31T23:54:00.002+08:00

When the clock strikes 15:45 tomorrow, I'm gonna throw my lecture notes up in the air (think graduation).
YAY! END OF SCHOOL!
Friends, don't hold me back, don't stop me, I will punch you.

can't wait to get my slippers in less than 24hrs. WHAT IS SUPPER WITHOUT SLIPPERS?!?!?!

can't wait for all the fun tmr night.

okay. very hungry now. gonna bathe. finish SSA readings & eat my chips or instant noodles at the same time. and sleep.

In short, I can't wait for the next 15:45.

2011-01-30T18:47:00.003+08:00

I had an emotionally challenged week.
At the end of it, nothing's changed.
It's no longer about the mind cause everything moved.
to the heart.

and at the end of it, the usuals neutralized all the pain with a joyful nights out together yesterday.
Guys, till next Saturday then.

and I can't wait for the chain of house visiting we are gonna do on 12th!
lihao > roys > bearbear > drew > bing > dongdong > ahliang > feefee > mrlim > ling
HOW FUN!!! SO EXCITED!!!
okay okay. cool down lingling. 12th feb, please come soon.
and guys, we are so gonna display our marina barrage spirit everywhere we go!

2011-01-27T23:54:00.003+08:00

For a very long while, so long that I can't even remember the exact duration, we will always be out on Friday night.
It's always either love shuffle or the usuals nights out.
Either this or that.
Unless it's during exam period of course.
But now that they are stuck at different camps around the island, we don't meet on Friday anymore. We try as best as possible to meet every sat, or at least every alternate saturday.

So I'm not used to it.
I'm not used to being home on Friday night.
So I don't yearn for Friday nights as much as I did in the past.
I don't like Friday as much as I like them in the past too.
Friday just seems more lonely than any other nights.

The empty house and the happening night.
Nah. I really don't like this.

But it's okay. Once I'm past the withdrawal symptoms phase, everything will be fine.

A totally different issue:
I think I care too much to the extent that even I think I'm irritating.
And so, I'm sorry.

2011-01-27T20:00:00.001+08:00

I hope we don't give up.
I don't wanna be a quitter.

2011-01-25T23:54:00.002+08:00

Because tomorrow will always be a better day.

(I hope)

2011-01-25T17:12:00.003+08:00

Happy 21st Lim Ah Liang!

the one who is always taking good care of us all.
the one who always drives us around (although I'm starting to take over his job).
the one who you know in your heart you can count on him for support always.
the one who left and miraculously came back.
the one who forms 1/4 of love shuffle.
the one who carries around with him a big smile and heart everywhere he goes.

Like all that's said in my wishes for you, tough phase so what? You will always have the usuals with you and that's definitely better than going through any path that's easier yet without us.
And we are really that great!

Once again, happy 21st to our big brother!

Love
ling ling

2011-01-24T19:39:00.003+08:00

Because the weekend was so perfect.

Nope. It's not perfect like fairytale but it's okay cause I don't believe in one anyway.
But it's perfect, in my own world.
It felt so dreamy yet real at the same time.
It's as if I wake up in the morning to dream, to live my dream.

And because the weekend was so perfect, I overslept for an hour this morning.
Totally worth it still.

2011-01-22T01:31:00.001+08:00

It's the way people try not to change that is unnatural.

So, we let it flow.
we let the change takes place.
we embrace the change.

Together.

2011-01-21T16:44:00.004+08:00

#$^&*%^#&$^ morning.

printing queue at as7 was "insert vulgarity here". So I needed to print 4 copies of micro notes. After I'm done and on the way to LT11, I realised the stupid machine couldn't even handle 4 copies! seriously! WTF! So, i was alr 5 or 10 mins late for the lecture and I had to walk all the way back to as7(i know it's not very far but it's still a distance when you are already late for lecture) so as to queue and print the missing pages again. There's this stupid girl who stepped on my foot(the part where i accidentally twisted ytd) and it was so freaking painful that i kinda screamed "ouch!". Guess what? she just walked away because she had her earpiece on and little girl, don't blast music THAT loud okay? it's bad for you ear drum. and so, by the time i walked back to LT11, it's already like 12.20? They say I didn't miss much but it's 20mins worth of lecture. and here comes the super FML part. I forgot to put last week's lecture notes into my file so yeah, i sat through the first part of the lecture with the notes.

Oh man!
Don't spoil my friday like this okay?
Friday means a lot to me so no one has the rights to do this to me.

and so, i was so $@*^#*&^ for the entire morning.
now it's all gone.

okay. off to study(WHATTT!!!! FRIDAY & STUDY = NO LINK!!!!).
yeah. I'm really going to study.
oh well.

2011-01-19T01:15:00.002+08:00

They always say that we all need a sweet little touch in our mundane life.
But I will run away.
Like far far away if it's too sweet.

Because once we adapt to the current state, a slight fall in the level of sweetness will cause great disappointment.
And I don't like this.

I'm just not game enough for reality.
It's always harsh, like the waves you see during high-tide.

goodnight.

2011-01-18T23:29:00.002+08:00

Tutorial balloting for this semester was damn fail.
I mean it.
and I wonder why.

a minor setback only?

oh well. I just hope that it will be better, not worse.

alright. hopefully, sucky timetable will motivate me to study harder and smarter.

I haven't been doing anything productive yet.
not after 7 days of school.
I don't foresee myself revising tmr either since it's a long day.
hmmm. Thursday okay?
I shall start on Thursday.
(that's what I told myself ytd too, "I MUST START STUDYING TMR!" but really, I did not.)

I didn't expect myself to craze over apple product but right now, at 0:14. I really have to say that iPhone is so damn awesome!
hee.

2011-01-17T00:21:00.001+08:00

Aren't we all scared?

2011-01-16T22:31:00.005+08:00

It's a surprise every time something out of your expectation happens.
But whether it's a pleasant one,
Hmmm... it really depends.
I've yet to decide too.

I didn't know you were waiting.

2011-01-14T16:00:00.000+08:00

'You are the greatest thing about me.'

2011-01-13T23:59:00.003+08:00

The most recent meet up with love shuffle kept me thinking about something.

They are still madly in love with each other yet all that's left between the couple is silence.

This is damn sad.

2011-01-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

can't wait for sat.
For ah liang, *thump chest!*
For the usuals, *thump chest twice!*
haha.

2011-01-13T23:37:00.004+08:00

The more you push, the more i move back.
If i don't retaliate, I will fall off the cliff.

and seriously, stop blaming the damn environment.

"Don't 0745 me."
Quoted from Hofeefee

2011-01-12T00:48:00.002+08:00

school has been pretty much school-ish.
not too sure what i mean too.
the refreshing kinda feeling while walking along the walkway and the oh-man-it's-lecture-againnnnnn thoughts in my mind or maybe it's OUR minds.

oh well, beddie beddie here I come.

2011-01-09T21:28:00.002+08:00

We all gathered on such an important day.
08 January marks the end of dog days Part 1.
We'll stay together through the rest of dog days or worse than dog days. haa.
So proud of each and every one of you.

Love you all so so so much.

Depression sets in as semester 2 officially starts tmr.

2011-01-07T15:56:00.001+08:00

"To love each other even when we hate each other."

2011-01-07T14:41:00.001+08:00

I know why.
because you are ________ and I am ________.

2011-01-05T23:24:00.003+08:00

04 January 2010
Every morning I on my baby, it would read "Good morning lingling."
Everytime there's a text, it would sing "Always be my baby"
Everytime there's a call, it would sing "Yesterday"
Every morning, it would put in endless effort to wake me up (not very successful though).
There are 4 very important texts in my folder.
The folder brings me much warmth every time i browse through it.
Through thick and thin, sweat and tears, laughter and smiles.
Thanks baby.
You've been a great company for the past 2 years.
I love you and I really do.

Baby Jr. Shine just like how baby did :)

2011-01-04T16:03:00.003+08:00

I know you are upset and I am here to help you, to save you.
or at the very least, to stay with you.

For the very first time, the night is different.
It's different.
It's not the best night but it's one of those nights and yet it's different.

A damsel in distress.
until 4.32am

2011-01-03T13:57:00.003+08:00

I like being honest.
I like people being honest to me.
I agree when they say honesty is one of those important virtue that one must have.

But I realised that I'm not always honest.
not even to myself.

2011-01-03T01:39:00.002+08:00

because I'm going to sleep now.

gingerbread tmr morning.

Seriously, DYRHM?

2011-01-02T15:17:00.002+08:00

I used to believe a lot in horoscope.
I used to read daily horoscope forecast.
I used to look at the compatibility and scan through my friends' horoscopes.
yes. I used to.
but I actually can't remember why did I stop believing or when did I stop believing.
On 1st Jan, I decided to read up on my horoscope forecast for the new year.
almost all the sites available online says that I will have a relatively good year.
well, some of the sites used over promising phrases such as "You will be at peak performances in 2011."
we shall see.

anyway, I'm a Sagittarius.

2010-12-31T21:38:00.002+08:00

i spent the entire new year eve reading these.
my diaries and organizers throughout the years.
today is a weird weird day.
seriously!
the last post of 2010 and well, i'm glad that the year is ending.
please let my 2011 be a better and happier year.
thank you.
Happy New Year my friends!
Happy 2011! :)

2010-12-30T23:10:00.003+08:00

Out of the many celebrations in a year, my favourite is new year eve.
it's not exactly the most joyous and fun holiday. In fact, new year eve is not even a holiday.
But i love new year eve.
because it marks an end and at the same time, people look forward to a brand new start.
and there's fireworks.
pretty pretty fireworks.
i love fireworks.
i love new year eve.

2010-12-30T17:24:00.001+08:00

i feel so good after massive spring cleaning.

2010-12-30T12:53:00.001+08:00

i woke up with a broken heart but that's yesterday.

2010-12-27T10:39:00.003+08:00

is 2010 a great year?

i started the year in the ever most beautiful way. i don't know if i would ever get another chance to have another new year countdown as beautiful, as sweet as the one that i had to welcome 2010.
it's my dream celebration i would say.
i traveled really a lot this year.
cambodia, taiwan, redang, genting, kl, vietnam.
cambodia once again, life changing experience.
taiwan is a real test to our friendship.
redang, i'll never forget how beautiful the place is, how blue the seas are, how carefree we were.
and then, i made it into NUS.
the excitement i had when i first received the news.
flashbacks of how hard for 3 years i worked for the past 3 years and i finally got what i wanted all along.
the feeling is indescribable.
and then, there's this girlfriend of mine who joined the usuals, once again which i'm so thankful for.
so, NUS, ARTS CAMP - very reluctant to turn up at first.
but then, i came to know this wonderful group of friends - RANDITS.
we went through arts camp, o week and one semester together.
i'm really extremely grateful for having this group of friends with me.
and of course, my glimpse of light who showered me with much love, care and concern. Just like my sunshine, although it still rains. sometimes. (i would like to change this to all the time)
sunshine trumps everything else that i've gained this year.

undeniably, i lost quite a fair share of stuffs too (yes, you lose some, you gain some). Or perhaps i lost more than i gained.
the first and most significant one, no more special september.
i wouldn't say this is the best decision but it is definitely one of those necessary decision in life.
and come to think of it, i feel like slapping myself for not being as upset as i thought i would be.
very unexpected so it took me quite a long while to recognise the fact that i'm the one losing it, not you. but still, thanks a lot, for the 5 years.
then, there's this i-didn't-know-we-would-end-up-like-this kinda group.
for a long 1 to 3 months, i really felt like this and it made me think and reflect.
so much could have been done, on my part but i did not.
it will be better i think. at least i will try to make it, make us better.
NUS is a dream. i know i will be god damn happy during my days in NUS cause it's like a dream come true for me.
but somehow, it's not like this.
i spent many nights thinking about how unsatisfied i am with myself and the feeling sucks to the max.
i miss those days whereby i feel smart and i can prove that i am smart.
geez. why didn't i appreciate those days more?
i doubt myself a hell lot this year.
keeping the faith in me becomes something that i have to constantly remind myself of.
oh well, they say it will only get better, or so i hope.

2010 marks the 8th year of our friendship.
the year many of us graduated from poly. the year many of them embarked on dogs days. the year we became more lax with birthday celebrations. the year we continued our usual christmas gift exchange. the year where we abandoned each other for new year countdown (SO NOT FORGIVEN! haha).
but it's another year of us being together.
many of us teared on the last day of school when we were in sec 1, when we were all 13 year old, when we were still younger than being young.
because we simply love each other so much and we don't want the year to end and we don't want to be seperated.
when the bell rang on the last day, we stayed in our classroom for damn long cause we refused to let reality set in. i guess we were all scared cause we don't know what the future holds for us.
and then we stayed together for the rest of the 4 years in the all white/white and blue uniform.
new faces joined the group, some left, some re-entered.
that 4 years, the best up till now. i would do anything to go back to those days and i really mean it.
and then, we went on to our poly/jc journey.
more people left but i don't mind cause those who remained are those who should remain and basically, those that really love each other.
the number of people i text now is only 9, so including myself, that makes us 10.
sweet 10.
all i want to say is that it's another year past. another december with me being thankful for having the usuals with me for the past year.
much love to you all.

December is a beautiful month.
cause it's the last month of the long year.
it makes us think if the past year had been a great one or not.
it makes us think of the regrets for the year.
it makes us think of the things that you've lost and gained.
it makes you read through your diary, your blog posts for the past year so that you will not forget the little feelings and emotions you had for all the events worth remembering in that year.
and after all these, you will be motivated to make the coming year a better one.
but then, whether or not you succeed in it, you'll have to wait till the next December.

and so, is 2010 a great year?
haa. i think i know my answer now.

2010-12-26T19:39:00.004+08:00

I am back from the one week holiday.

What welcomed me home? of course, it's the semester results.
i don't know how my friends did but be it good or bad, i feel very much alone now cause i'm the only one checking my results on 26th dec, 5+pm.
this is damn weird.

but of course, very much expected. I didn't do well.
i actually don't want and don't know how to elaborate anymore.
but for now, i really hate the fact that i'm sharing bedroom with my sisters cause all i want is to close the door, lie on my bed, play very very very sad song on my ipod without anyone walking around the room and asking what's wrong with me. seriously, can i rent a room from anyone?

it sucks even more because right now, i really need to be with people who already know and accept in their heart that i actually have 'ego as big as an elephant'.
i really miss love shuffle a lot.
it's been too long since we last spent time together.
in short, i wish that tekong sinks(i don't know how though) so that you all don't need to book in and i can call you all up for impromptu cheer-me-up/watch-me-cry-again night.

to add on, i really don't want you in my life anymore.
by that, i meant i really hope that i won't receive your text or bump onto you along some streets.
okay. i just don't want to see you anymore.
sorry.

damn. can anyone tell me why am i so sad?
this. is. just. so. depressing.

2010-12-20T12:12:00.002+08:00

great weekend spent.

xmas celebration with the usuals.
we feast on pizzas, chickens, chickens and still chickens.
ahliang actually dozed off right after he ended his sentence.
looking forward to the next.

beautiful christmas decorations along orchard, all the way to dhoby ghaut and lastly, esplanade.
one of those nights, again.

actually, the answer lies in our heart.

2010-12-17T18:45:00.002+08:00

it's raining a lot lately.
thus, the cold weather.
sometimes, cold weather freezes not only your body but also your heart.
but just like today, it's not everything but it sends this tinge of warmth to my heart.
so sweet. so meaningful. so significant.

oh man....